The Power of Intimacy

A blog about the healing power of intimacy and love by Nicola Foster

Feeling green-eyed? 7 top tips to help you handle jealousy

Jealousy is destructive. It can lead to arguments, insecurity, frustration and ultimately, deliver the end result you are hoping to avoid - the end of your relationship.

To avoid it all becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, it will help to invest in learning how to handle jealousy effectively. Here are my top tips to help you do just that.

1: You're not alone

Many people suffer from bouts of jealousy. Naturally, you’re with someone you care about, and you don’t want anyone or anything to jeopardise that. The key is understanding that it is an issue you need to deal with if you’re going to give your relationship the best chance of success.

2: What do you need more of?

Know that jealousy is a form on insecurity. Those jealous feelings are giving you important information if you take the time to observe them. Maybe you want  reassurance from your partner.  Or, that you’re looking for some kind of stronger commitment from your partner. And it may be that...

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What's normal in sex?

 [SPOILER ALERT: There is no normal!]

If there’s one thing I wish for all couples in a sexual relationship to know, it’s that there is no such thing as normal. When it comes to defining your relationship, it’s more about what feels right and enjoyable for you both. So many different influences have influenced what you might think of as normal, and over time, your definition of normal will most likely change.

I love this quote by Maya Angelou, as it sums up my view of normality in a relationship:

"If you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be."

 

Many different things will impact on your definition of a normal sexual relationship. How you view normal is dependent on your culture, the society you live in and even your time in history.

There's no such thing as normal.

It changes from one person to another. And this is what helps us all become unique and different.

When it comes to the research on societal norms in...

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5 tips on how to have a difficult conversation - with awareness

 

Do you need to talk to your partner about an issue - but you're avoiding the difficult conversation? Here are 5 ideas on how to reduce the risk of things escalating into an argument. I'm Nicola Foster. I'm a couples therapist and these are my top tips for an aware, kind, difficult conversation.
 

1. Ensure you're both resourced

 
Don't try and have the conversation when you're tired, hungry, or short of time. Look for a time when you both agree that you are available and feeling resourced enough to talk.
 

2. Agree your timeframe

 
Talk about how long you have for the conversation. Make an agreement about when you will stop, even if you haven't reached any conclusions.  Make a plan for after your conversation to support reconnection. Agree a safe word that you can use if you're concerned about getting overwhelmed. Take a 10 minute break to ground yourself. Take a walking outside if you can, or have a hot drink and read or watch something...
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5 Ways To Help You Handle Rejection - and grow from it


If you’re dating or exploring a new relationship, it's so important to develop the ability to handle rejection. You’re not going to be the right fit for everyone, and they won’t be the right fit for you.

Very often, we take it as a sign that there’s something wrong with us or we weren’t good enough. Our own fears and insecurities rise to the surface, and we instantly tell ourselves we’re the problem. In reality though, we have no idea of what the other person is looking for in a partner, or what is currently going on in their life.

If you want to learn how to handle rejection, the first thing you need to remember is it’s hardly ever personal.

HOW TO BUILD RESILIENCE

It is possible to build your capacity and inner strength to be able to handle any rejection with grace and compassion. Here's how:

#1: Get curious

Your feelings are valid, so it’s important that you feel them. Unfortunately, painful feelings...

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