The Power of Intimacy

A blog about the healing power of intimacy and love by Nicola Foster

Yes, you can have better sex in midlife (navigating sex and perimenopause)

Sex and perimenopause

I'm loving how much media coverage we are seeing around menopause and perimenopause right now. I was very lucky to have many women friends a few years older than me - leading the way, sharing their learnings. Although, like many other women I often felt disenfranchised, without access to private medical care or time for complex health research. So I try and share as much as I can now with women heading into this life stage about what I've learned.

For many women, low libido is one of the menopausal issues they’re worried about the most. However, perimenopause can also cause high libido too, with our bodies going into its very own last chance saloon act. It's important to say too, that for many women, their sex drive doesn’t change that much at all during menopause.

No matter how you look at it, though, the stage leading up to full menopause can bring with it sexual issues. Vaginal dryness and being too tired are the main ones, I hear about. So, I...

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What's normal in sex?

 [SPOILER ALERT: There is no normal!]

If there’s one thing I wish for all couples in a sexual relationship to know, it’s that there is no such thing as normal. When it comes to defining your relationship, it’s more about what feels right and enjoyable for you both. So many different influences have influenced what you might think of as normal, and over time, your definition of normal will most likely change.

I love this quote by Maya Angelou, as it sums up my view of normality in a relationship:

"If you're always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be."

 

Many different things will impact on your definition of a normal sexual relationship. How you view normal is dependent on your culture, the society you live in and even your time in history.

There's no such thing as normal.

It changes from one person to another. And this is what helps us all become unique and different.

When it comes to the research on societal norms in...

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Love in Lockdown - Separation and Togetherness

Life in lockdown has put enormous challenges on intimate relationships. Hello, I'm Nicola Foster, I'm a couples and sex therapist and in this article I'm offering 3 practical suggestions to support couples navigating being home together in lockdown.

Being at home most of the time has meant that we are suddenly seeing how many roles we have and how they intersect.

You might be a parent, a homeschooler, a carer for elderly parents, a co-worker,  a business owner, a member of a support bubble or a volunteer in the local community - and a romantic partner.

All of this whilst navigating the personal inner anxieties of facing global pandemic.

It's no wonder relationships are showing strain. Prior to this you may have been working in separate places and only come together in the evening. Now being together all the time - how do you navigate your need for space and your need to connect? How do you create meaningful time for intimacy and meaningful time for yourself and not just exist...

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Do You REALLY Know How to Touch Your Partner?

Have you gotten out of the habit of touching your partner like you used to?

Hi, I'm Nicola Foster, I'm a Sex and Relationship Therapist and I work with couples who want to reignite intimacy in their lives. In this article I share some of my recommendations on how couples can use touch to reconnect with each other.

Physical connection is something that we all need, and nowhere is it more important than when you’re part of an intimate relationship. We may touch 'out of habit', or got out of the habit of touching altogether. Research tells us that couples who hug or touch regularly have better sex lives, and are happier and healthier.

Touch helps us form closer, more connected relationships. It's one of the main forms of nonverbal communication and when we’re in an intimate relationship we want to feel more connected - making touch a key element of a healthy relationship.

When it comes to intimacy, quality, nourishing touch can provide deeper, more connected feelings than...

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Making Time for Intimacy - A practical guide

Do you feel that your relationship is lacking something because you’re not spontaneous? Do you think that intimacy is something that should be spontaneous? If you do worry about the need to make time for intimacy in your relationship, you’re not alone!

Unfortunately, the media has often portrayed spontaneity as the norm in  relationships. This myth has put so much pressure on many relationships because it’s simply not possible to make every intimate moment a spontaneous one! In fact, if couples only had sex when both partners spontaneously felt like it - it would rarely ever happen!

The reality is very different. When you’re leading a hectic life, spontaneity is often the last thing on your mind. There’s your work schedule to take into account, as well as the kids, the morning breakfast rush, the commute home - none of it lends itself to spontaneous intimacy. You’re often exhausted and ‘being in the mood’ simply doesn’t...

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