The Power of Intimacy

A blog about the healing power of intimacy and love by Nicola Foster

Feeling green-eyed? 7 top tips to help you handle jealousy

Jealousy is destructive. It can lead to arguments, insecurity, frustration and ultimately, deliver the end result you are hoping to avoid - the end of your relationship.

To avoid it all becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, it will help to invest in learning how to handle jealousy effectively. Here are my top tips to help you do just that.

1: You're not alone

Many people suffer from bouts of jealousy. Naturally, you’re with someone you care about, and you don’t want anyone or anything to jeopardise that. The key is understanding that it is an issue you need to deal with if you’re going to give your relationship the best chance of success.

2: What do you need more of?

Know that jealousy is a form on insecurity. Those jealous feelings are giving you important information if you take the time to observe them. Maybe you want  reassurance from your partner.  Or, that you’re looking for some kind of stronger commitment from your partner. And it may be that...

Continue Reading...

10 Tips on how to have healthier arguments

No matter how well you get on, there are going to be times when differences create conflict. If you're relating with honesty and authenticity, it's healthy to feel upset, angry, frustrated and generally let down sometimes. So, it's really important to learn how to have healthier arguments.

When it comes to conflict resolution, good communication is paramount. Instead of letting our feelings take over and losing perspective, it's so helpful to practice listening and really seeing the other person and their side of the story, as well as our own.

If you're looking for some tips on how to have healthier arguments, here are 10 that will really help!

1. Stay in connection

If you want to have a healthier relationship, you need to stay connected. And when it comes to healthy arguments, that means looking at each other. Because it's only when you're looking at the other person that you can observe their body language. This will guide you to act with more empathy and connect more with them.


Continue Reading...

5 tips on how to have a difficult conversation - with awareness


Do you need to talk to your partner about an issue - but you're avoiding the difficult conversation? Here are 5 ideas on how to reduce the risk of things escalating into an argument. I'm Nicola Foster. I'm a couples therapist and these are my top tips for an aware, kind, difficult conversation.

1. Ensure you're both resourced

Don't try and have the conversation when you're tired, hungry, or short of time. Look for a time when you both agree that you are available and feeling resourced enough to talk.

2. Agree your timeframe

Talk about how long you have for the conversation. Make an agreement about when you will stop, even if you haven't reached any conclusions.  Make a plan for after your conversation to support reconnection. Agree a safe word that you can use if you're concerned about getting overwhelmed. Take a 10 minute break to ground yourself. Take a walking outside if you can, or have a hot drink and read or watch something...
Continue Reading...

Why You Need To Know About John Gottman’s Four Horsemen

 Dr John Gottman has been devoting his research to observing couples since the 1970s. His research not only uncovered patterns of differing behaviour between happy and unhappy couples, but also discovered that most relationship problems (69%) never get resolved, due to differences in personality.

As part of his ongoing research, Gottman discovered how couples create and maintain intimacy and friendship. He could also predict with high accuracy, the likelihood of a couple divorcing or separating, by identifying the four most destructive behaviours within a relationship. These behaviour indicators are referred to as the Four Horsemen.

These Four Horsemen are the negative communication patterns that prevent you from having healthy and productive communication with others.

Most relationships may demonstrate some of these behaviours, but healthy relationships don’t use them very often - and when they do, they make more of an effort to repair them when they’re used. You...

Continue Reading...

Making Time for Intimacy - A practical guide

Do you feel that your relationship is lacking something because you’re not spontaneous? Do you think that intimacy is something that should be spontaneous? If you do worry about the need to make time for intimacy in your relationship, you’re not alone!

Unfortunately, the media has often portrayed spontaneity as the norm in  relationships. This myth has put so much pressure on many relationships because it’s simply not possible to make every intimate moment a spontaneous one! In fact, if couples only had sex when both partners spontaneously felt like it - it would rarely ever happen!

The reality is very different. When you’re leading a hectic life, spontaneity is often the last thing on your mind. There’s your work schedule to take into account, as well as the kids, the morning breakfast rush, the commute home - none of it lends itself to spontaneous intimacy. You’re often exhausted and ‘being in the mood’ simply doesn’t...

Continue Reading...

Is communication with your partner becoming more of an issue? The 5 Love Languages® can help make it easier for you to show your love & appreciation

The 5 Love Languages® by Dr Gary Chapman

Do you struggle to understand and communicate with your partner? Is lockdown adding more pressure? Do you wish your partner would appreciate you more them, but  you’re not aren’t sure how to get them to do that? Then you may just find some answers within The 5 Love Languages®.

Dr Gary Chapman introduced the ‘The 5 Love Languages®’ way back in the 1990s. These five languages of love help you to better understand your partner’s needs so that you can strengthen and improve your relationship with each other.

How The 5 Love Languages Can Help

When you want to feel loved and appreciated, it’s not always easy to explain how you expect that to look. Communicating your needs to your partner can be difficult, especially if you’re not sure how to even put it into words. And your partner probably has the same issue too!

The love languages help make it easier for you. They enable you to understand...

Continue Reading...

50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.