Jealousy is destructive. It can lead to arguments, insecurity, frustration and ultimately, deliver the end result you are hoping to avoid - the end of your relationship.
To avoid it all becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, it will help to invest in learning how to handle jealousy effectively. Here are my top tips to help you do just that.
Many people suffer from bouts of jealousy. Naturally, you’re with someone you care about, and you don’t want anyone or anything to jeopardise that. The key is understanding that it is an issue you need to deal with if you’re going to give your relationship the best chance of success.
Know that jealousy is a form on insecurity. Those jealous feelings are giving you important information if you take the time to observe them. Maybe you want reassurance from your partner. Or, that you’re looking for some kind of stronger commitment from your partner. And it may be that you need more of their attention as you’re feeling neglected. Try to journal about what's happening for you and look for what's underlying your initial reaction.
Take a step back and assess the situation and your associated feelings. Is your partner doing anything to cause them, or are they arising due to unhealed past relationship or developmental issues? Is there anything about the current situation that is warranting the feelings you’re having, or is it a sign of a deeper issue, such as a lack of communication or a lack of agreements between you about where you are with each other when it comes to relating with other people.
Nothing is certain, and relationships are no different. You can’t do anything about that, and you need to learn to accept that. Your partner is not yours to control. Know that you’re going to be ok, whether you stay together or don’t. But also understand that your jealousy isn’t going to help your relationship. If you’d like more help on how to handle rejection and grow from it - check out this recent blog.
"Your partner doesn’t belong to you. At best they are on loan with an option to renew." Esther Perel
Low self-esteem could contribute to feeling jealous. To help counter any negative thoughts try this exercise. Write out 30 reasons why you're an amazing person to date/partner. Remember all you offer and your goodness. Remind yourself of all the good decisions you’ve made that have helped make you who you are today. Make it a rule not to compare yourself to others and instead, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all that you like about yourself.
Maybe you're jealous because you don’t know or trust the person your partner is interacting with. However, can you lean on the trust in your partner. If you keep acting on jealous feelings in ways that hurt your partner, it will only erode the trust that is there. If your partner feels loved and trusted by you, it helps build a stronger connection and bond between you.
As in point #2, jealousy is often a result of something you need more of. So share how you feel with your partner and ask for support. Ongoing communication is vital in a healthy relationship. Talk it over with your partner and if you need additional help, look to talk it through with a relationship therapist.
If you’d like more individual support and want to have some relationship therapy with me you will find my therapy website here www.nicola-foster.com . Alternatively, if you’re looking for some laser coaching on the issue, you can book in for a 75-minute clarity session with me here.